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Ibiza 2014 shock announcement

All of this is 100% true and definitely not made up for April Fools Day.

NEWS | Solomun agrees to 10 daytime shows from San Antonio's Egg Roundabout.

After seeing the success of Richie Hawtin's ENTER.San Antonio party at el Kiosko in 2013, where thousands of vest, snap-back-cap and Nike trainer wearing techno fans fist pumped in the sun, Solomun has announced a series of ten parties over the course of the 2014 season. To continue the ‘Solomun +1; theme, one guest DJ from the West End will be invited to play alongside him.


NEWS | Paris Hilton announces Hilton Hotel to challenge Hard Rock Hotel.

Back by popular demand, Paris Hilton - aka Mix Master P - is "going west bitches" further along the motorway to San Antonio to launch her 2014 seasons plans. But wait, it's not what you think. Paris will be opening the brand new Hilton Hotel, right next door to the slightshot bungee ride. With plans for America's finest EDM stars to feature on the wooden arch stage they are building next to the pool looking out to the sea surrounded by hotel rooms, the Hilton Hotel will be a direct challenger to the Ushuaïa empire. “Let's build this mother******!” - Paris Hilton.


NEWS | Sven Väth reveals his Ibiza DJ studio is made entirely of Lego.

Papa Sven has been obsessed with Lego since he first received a box of it as a birthday present when he was a child. Like all adults, his love of Lego is greater now than when he was much younger and he says he allows his son Tiga to watch from a distance as he builds all of the models with extreme precision and efficiency. Photos via the link.


NEWS | Cream Ibiza set to challenge ENTER and Cocoon with a techno themed main room.

Afters years at the forefront of house, trance, electro and EDM, the team behind Cream Ibiza has decided to make its mark on the techno scene. According to our sources, once you step inside the Amnesia main room for Cream Thursdays you can expect to be ‘terrified and physically abused by the dark, moody and pounding techno beats'. Cream will operate a strict black clothing only policy for this room, in accordance with tradition. No smiling allowed.


NEWS | San Antonio's beach set to go synthetic.

After years of dealing with the slightly crusty and generally ‘nasty' end-of-day problem that San Antonio's main beach suffers from, the council has decided to replace it with an entirely synthetic surface, for ease of maintenance and cleaning. Spotlight understands by ‘synthetic' they mean ‘concrete painted orangey/yellow'. No word yet on how this will effect your feet in the dash to the bar. More as we have it.


NEWS | Subterranean VIP tunnel system to be constructed on Ibiza.

In an effort to avoid unwanted interaction with the common population - admittedly mostly British - to the literally billions of Very Important People that flock to the island each year, a network of gold lined tunnels will be constructed below ground-level across Ibiza. All the VIVs (Very Important Venues) are expected to sign up to the project with VIPs invited to sign up for the membership. Paris Hilton is rumoured to be proper chuffed.


NEWS | Dalt Vila to be renamed as ‘The Castle Club'.

The UNESCO World Heritage site of Dalt Vila, sporting beautiful views across the marina of Ibiza Town, Ibiza and out to the Mediterranean, is undergoing a major refurbishment and refit ahead of its launch as a permanent club. UNESCO have announced their plans in conjunction with the Ibiza Council to ensure the worlds greatest dance floor is properly remembered for thousands of years to come. Access is strictly via the aforementioned VIP VIV tunnel system.


NEWS | A new nudist beach is set to open in front of Linekers bar.

San Antonio is looking towards a year of expansion and change, and no more so than opposite Linekers bar where tourists and locals alike will be legally required to go nude whilst on the beach. Gary Lineker is quoted as saying “Score!"


NEWS | Richie Hawtin checks into rehab for Sake addiction.

The day has finally arrived where Richie has admitted he has a serious Sake addiction. The Japanese liquid apparently inhibits his thoughts and feelings with things get out of control when he accidentally played a back-to-back set with Deadmau5 last month. He has been quoted as saying "My name is Richie Hawtin and I'm a Sake addict".


NEWS | Sa Talaia reveals hidden underground superclub.

Sa Talaia, Ibiza's highest point which overlooks San Antonio and probably the rest of the island, is hiding a dirty secret. The secret is out however as we can exclusively reveal Pacha's latest venture. After suffering from a noise complaint against Destino when Nicolas Jaar played during the 2013 season, Pacha has decided to ditch the venue and take things truly underground. The club will be entirely under the mountain and is in the shape of a massive cherry. They will have the worlds most powerful sound system ever.


NEWS | ASOT + AVB go EDM

Following in the footsteps of one of the greatest trance artists of all time - Tiesto - Armin Van Buuren has announced he will not be playing trance at Ushuaia, but will be going down the EDM route. Tiesto has signed up for a back-to-back set with Armin playing once a month this coming season. Tickets on sale now.


NEWS | James Blunt is to offer free taxi service

After revealing that he likes to race his Indian tuk-tuk three wheeler around the island on the UK's Top Gear TV show, Ibiza resident, Army Captain, pop sensation and all round nice guy James Blunt has announced that he wants to give something back to island. One night a week during the 2014 season, James will offer a free taxi service from Playa d'en Bossa to his hillside vila for the ultimate after party. Good old Blunters, what a guy!


NEWS | Avicii buys Privilege and turns it into his new home

In apparent dissatisfaction at his recent luxury pad purchase in the hills of Los Angeles, America, and the media storm that it created, Avicii has purchased the world's biggest club - Privilege. The 10,000 capacity venue will be restored to its former glory as Ku, where baby bulls, naked ladies and Roman Polanski once roamed free to the sounds of of the balearic beat. He has plans to decorate his house in memory of one of the clubs most famous parties - Manumission. Fatboy Slim is in talks with Avicii's management about DJ'ing in the bathroom for him all season long, but the parties are yet to come to an agreement.


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